Am I wasting my time?

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Mathelete 6 years, 8 months ago.

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  • #26544

    Mathelete
    Member

    Hi, I could really do with some advice!
    I recently became single after a 5 year relationship & very quickly started dating someone else. We work together & have been friends for a while. He is aware of my recent break up & of the circumstances surrounding it.
    We have had about 6 dates over the last 6 weeks, meals out, drinks, cinema etc, but there has also been a lot of confusion (for me anyway!).
    He is extremely busy at this time of year, he’s a triathlon coach & takes part in iron man competitions so he’s not always around. We see each other when we can but there has been 3 cancelled dates & one where ‘he fell asleep’. He also lost his phone charger so his phone wasn’t working for a week.
    My main concern is that he doesn’t want anyone to know. We are both teachers so I understand the awkwardness that might bring to our lessons, but colleagues too??? He’s now gone away for a month of events & helping out at the Olympics. I don’t want to come across as harassing him while he’s away as this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for him, but at the same time, I’d like to stay in touch & get a reply!!
    Oh, & we haven’t had the ‘what are we?’ conversation either.
    Am I wasting my time with someone who wants a secret fling not a committed relationship? Help!

    #41063

    admin
    Keymaster

    From your description of things with your new friends so far, I am not to sure if he is as keen as you. I know very active sports people who go out a lot on competitions including iron man but they still manage to keep in touch with significant people in their lives.

    I don’t know what your work environment is like but most people meet their partners at work (Even teachers). I think you should have the conversation about the sort of relationship the two of you want so that you can get things straightened out.

    #41064

    darlene
    Member

    I have a friend who is also off to help out at the Olympics. It’s a serious event for those involved so I would say it’s best to keep the distance and give him some time to sort out what he wants the relationship to develop into. Just be supportive; if he texts you and calls you up, be there. But try to avoid calling or texting until after the Olympics. It might be a very stressful time for him.

    Recently I’ve had to end a relationship with someone who also seemed very secretive about going out with me. He wasn’t secretive publicly but rather, he was unwilling to tell his friends exactly what his relationship was with me (i.e. were we friends, were we more than friends, etc.). This was very unsettling for me, so I decided to just be with someone else; the type who would scream out his feelings for me on rooftops if he could. 🙂

    Be patient. If it develops into something special then great. If it doesn’t, then it’s okay. It’s never the end of the world.

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