A break up journal

[kappa84]

I havent's spoke with her since yesterday...This new girl is quite incredible, she stands for me, she asked me to talk with her about this and to share my thoughts. It's easier for me having other around, much easier than for my girl..

[kappa84]

She called me one hour ago, since then I can't stop crying. She's incredibly sincere, and sweet, as she was before. Damn, me, the man, the unbreakable, I'm crying like a baby. The cheater, the sleek, the pig, has become a sissy.

I f....ing hate myself right now.

[Alena]

Listen, you did the right thing! You have to be selfish to still be with someone that you don't love. If you had married her, it would have end up in divorce. How can it be good for you to stay with her if you don't love her. You will only start hating her, and that's not going to be good for her to.
She is trying to get you back, so she is emotionally attacking you. Maybe you should give us more details about your conversations. If you want...

[kappa84]

That was an outrageous emotionally attack! Thanks for the support Alena, means a lot to me, first thing in the morning I'll write down what I remember so you could analyze and teach me how to protect those attacks!

[kappa84]

So, yesterday's conversation sounds like this:

She said that she doesn't understand why I want to do this. I told her I'm not willing to get married and have children not now, maybe not even later and by doing this I kinda' protect her. I mean, what if I decide to get married at 37, wouldn't be a hit for her later? She replied that she doesn't need a paper, yadda-yadda, but I know her, she sure feel this deep inside her heart and will reveal in the future.

She said that if I said I have someone else it will be easier for her to let me go, now she's just thinking what she done wrong. I use : boredom, relation quality lowering, marriage stuff, etc. She doesn't buy those or she just can't imagine me leaving her...

She said that she gives me time to think, but I'm sure: I'll stick with the other one, I can't stay with her because I feel pity for her, I just can't do that. More than that, I can't tell her I found someone else, though it could be better for her not to have any hopes about us....

[Alena]

Well, you should tell her that you have someone else. You know this is the real reason you broke up with her. If you 2 were the only persons left on Earth, you wouldn't feel pity or get bored with here, so thinking that a relationship with another women would be better made you change your attitude towards her. Again, I'm not saying that the girl you are now with is responsible for this - you are!
If she said that she doesn't want to marry, she might think - or at least hope - that this is the only reason that you broke up with her. And she's trying to get you back. Tell her that you love someone else, in this way, she will get angry and hate you - and she will not cry and beg you to come back. I think this is the only think left to do. But try to avoid the 2 girls meeting, at least for some months.
And you should also analyze the girl you left her for. What is she saying now, her attitude... You said that she is sweet and that she wants you to let it all out... A male friend would do the same thing, but you would.t say he's sweet! (because you are not having sex with him). She knew that you had a long relationship before meeting her, and she took advantage of you and your 'identity crisis'. She shouldn't have accepted being with you while you were still with the other one. And don't say that it's complicated, it's really simple!
This is just my opinion, but you can't have a happy relationship built on someone else's suffering. So the best thing you can do is tell your ex the truth, as soon as possible (you don't want her catching you in the city with the other one). As for the other girl, don't hurry in moving together or something. It's clear that none of you have respect for what a relationship is (you know what you did, and she knew what she was doing when stealing you from someone else), so she might cheat on you in the future, when you are no longer a forbiden fruit, a "complicated thing", or a new one.
You are f****d! So make this f**k less complicated, without any sex toys (metaphorically speaking). Good luck! Write back!

[kappa84]

Wow,thanks Alena,hit you with a beer when you're in Bucharest!

Let me give you an example: yesterday after I talked to my "old" one I burst in tears. The new girl tried to call me, I rejected and text her that I can't talk 'cause I'm kinda' ruined by what the other told me and stuff. She text me back saying something like: "I told you from the start that I'm 100% with you and I'm backing you up. Let me help you pass this situation, answer the phone. I like you a lot and really feel that I want more from us, please, let me show this to you. " Something like this.

Damn it, I never was in this situation before. I mean, if I cheated my girl I made it that way so it would not become more than a one-night-stand. I even stated then, when talking with a friend, that I don't like this situations and will never happen to me, I mean getting in loved with another person while I am still with one. Extraordinary situation indeed.

PS1 : Let's do this - my past (?) girl let's call her P, my new one N, like names
PS2: P called me half an hour ago to ask me how I'm doing, I told her I go to Cluj on Friday for job and even made a little joke like "with your mistresses?". Second, why every time she calls me I f..ing burst in tears like a child? I can't stop my tears flowing whatever I would think about...

[temi]

This thread actually reminds me of a Paul Simon song titled 50 ways to leave your lover. Here is the full lyrics in case you don't know it or have never heard of it:

"The problem is all inside your head", she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover

She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Ooo slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
Don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
Get yourself free

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
Don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
Get yourself free

Slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

[kappa84]

Meaningful lyrics, Temi, haven't heard this before, I'll download it when I get home, sounds interesting.

[kappa84]

She's at the emergency room...exhausted. Oh my God.